Deborah Sherman deSantos
You say midlife crisis like it's a bad thing . . .

This site exists to promote the worth of the individual based upon positive products and applied ability.

Belief systems and activities that grant value through membership, or lack thereof, in a particular group, whether it be of gender, race, religion, ancestry, class, sexual orientation, or national origin, are not acceptable here. There are no exceptions, for to leave the door open for any favored prejudice requires that the door remain, able to be opened again - and again - and yet again. My intention is not to close the door, but to remove it completely!

I dedicate all that I write to Audrius Kazenas, my friend, brother and mentor. This man who stood against Soviet tanks to help free Eastern Europe of oppression and bring an end to the Cold War was taken from the citizens who love and value him by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) the day before Thanksgiving, 2008. He has been held in "immigration detention" (prison) ever since while that agency continues to relentlessly pursue his deportation despite two findings of relief from deportation under the Convention Against Torture by their own Immigration Judge. He is now on his fourth year of serving hard time for no crime in the land of "liberty and justice for all." We pray for his safe return to his children and to us. I miss you every day, my brother . . . we all miss you.




Thank you Dad!

Poems and essays by
Edgar de Santos

If you are one who likes to blame all your problems on men . . . you won't like this page, but to find your strength . . . you need it . . .


"I have said this so many times, but here it goes again: Any belief that a person is superior or inferior due to an accident of birth, whether that be one of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or any other bloody thing human kind can come up with to discriminate against is holding the door open for prejudice and bigotry. If you want to end prejudice . . . stop inviting it in to sit at the table!"

Men In Uniform

"Soldiers, if you are about to go to Iraq or Afghanistan make out a living will and power of attorney. Learn a lesson from the story of Jose Pequeno!" From "Get Those Documents!"

"These men have been tested and know themselves. They know what it is to feel fear and act anyway." From: "We Are Here Thanks to Them"

Gender Issues

"Since women are statistically more likely to be injured in domestic violence situations, and obviously can be more easily injured, why when an incident of violence that produces visible injury only to the male partner occurs are we inclined to charge him with assault if he defends himself?"

"Equal rights require equal responsibilities," is a no-brainer statement right up there with, "Men and women think and act differently." From: "Gender Lies"

"With one exaggeration or outright lie they destroy innocent men's lives and destroy the credibility of women who really have been attacked or harmed." From: "More Gender Lies"

Personality Characteristics of Parents Making False Accusations of Sexual Abuse in Custody Disputes


"A society where everyone is off doing their own thing does not thrive, so the oddball is naturally shunned, but life demands balance and those on the outside have a vital role to play. They are the ones who create change, who see the weak areas of popular belief and start the process toward those weaknesses being recognized and rooted out." From Next Outside View

"That - that right there - that is privilege the is so ingrained, so much a way of life that it doesn't even recognize that it is privelege." From: "White Folk's Little 'Problem"

"Nigger and fuck are both words white folks tend to use in private, but never speak in public unless they’re drunk. However, when they pressure blacks to drop the word they forget one minor detail: The black American experience is not dictated by the white American experience." From: "Nigger"

About Us

Contact Me!


Hi . . . My name is
Deborah (as in a bee: honey or stinging, take your pick) Sherman (as in: the tank)
de Santos (as in: of the saints).

Welcome to my site.






By: Edgar de Santos

Always a question
Because we wonder
Does it make a difference
What we do or say?
Does it change the world
Does it move the pieces
Not in a hush
Not in a thunder
But just in some way
Perhaps we hope not
It couldn't- but it does
Tomorrow will be a little different
Because we said it right
Or even a terrible blunder
We have to chuckle It's full of wonder.


By Deborah Sherman de Santos

An e-book in progress

The Human Condition

"Old Chinese proverb: 'If we do not change the direction we are going we are likely to end up where we are headed.' I think that applies outside of China as well." From: "You Say Midlife Crisis Like it's a Bad Thing"

"Don't tell me I don't look and act my age. This is what my age looks and acts like - on me." From: "Grow Old Gracefully My Ass!"

"Enough already with the moaning and groaning from all you 'child-free-by-choice' folks about the burdens of having to put up with and/or subsidize our filthy, ill tempered, snotty-nosed children" From: "Without Apology"

"Yes, this means what you suspected - this brand of weird I've got goin' on is not chemically induced . . . not chemically controlled by meds either." From: "Confessions of a Non-Doper"

"It's a sad sorry state of affairs when a woman in her 50s is more inclined to question the established society than a 20-something male." From: "Watch Your Mouth"

"Can you keep track of all the different ways someone might be sensitive? It's a hell of a conversation checker, isn't it?" From: "Get Over It!"

The Untamed Itch is being remodeled.

Please excuse the mess - it's strictly temporary!

On Human Rights and Immigration

"He has taught us the true meaning of compassion, not as pretty words for charity drives, but as a way to live – compassion not granted to others through rose colored glasses when conditions fit our criteria, but granted freely with full knowledge of the failings of those we grant it to . . . with full knowledge of our own failings as well." From: A Bid for Compassion

"He is not a citizen of this country, so to our system his humanity is not relevant . . .but his daughters are citizens. I am a citizen. All his friends, of which he has many, are citizens. What about us?"
From: Life With One Held in Bondage

"Evil can not win. Anything that is based on destruction and non-survival carries within it the seeds of its ultimate end." From: Hope

The following was written soon after our friend, Audrius, was taken by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement). That was nearly two years ago. At the time I did not know the half of what I was dealing with. I did not know that much of what was INS was now ICE - a part of the Department of Homeland Security. I did not know how far some people, even law enforcement, would go to remove an inconvenient husband. I know now, though I suspect I am still underestemating what I am dealing with. For more on that go to the web site that grew out of the nightmare Audrius and those of us who value and care about him are now living:


     Warning: I am in a very dark place right now. I’ve lived for the last few months in the clutches of INS. No, I’m not here illegally or personally in trouble with them. I’ve broken no laws. I trace back to the founding families of this country so my body is safe from being removed. INS could never touch my life, or so I thought, but lately it is absorbing much of my attention. This has been one of the most heart-wrenching experiences I have ever been through.

I am a citizen. My ancestors fought and died to make this country free. I should not know how the grip of INS crushes the soul. I should not feel how their talons rip mercilessly, but I now know and I now feel. It has forever changed my perception of freedom, of justice, and of myself. I will eventually be released, but the wounds are already deep. Each time I struggle they sink deeper still, but I can not help but struggle. I'm an American - I was not raised to passively accept that which should be changed.

I have lived in this body for 59 years and bear many scars already, we all do. Life is hard on this planet. But these wounds – these wounds are different. The scars they leave will be harsher, crueler, like no other. Will they even heal? I do not know, can not know until INS is satisfied and releases its hold. All I can say for now you will find in my essay, “A Bid for Compassion,” in the Human Rights section of this site. I wish I could say more – perhaps when this is over – probably sooner as eventually I will loose patience and speak out anyway. For now, your prayers are needed and appreciated.


Links to helpful and interesting organizations and individuals - under construction - I'm pedaling as fast as I can guys.




     I’ve been a men’s rights advocate for two decades. Any woman who takes pride in herself and is not seeking a free ride would be; it’s nothing spectacular. I’m an old-school feminist who knows equal rights mean equal responsibility, who knows women are never so weak that men can be responsible for all our problems and who actually admits that she likes sex – with a man.

      Recently a number of incidents, all involving men who wear or did once wear a uniform, occurred in my area in quick succession. It has gotten my attention and I have no intentions of remaining silent. Our military, police, all the men who put their lives on the line and do the world's dirty work while the rest of us stay safe and warm at home are getting a raw deal. They are the ultimate man so the new-wave anti-male mentality is hitting them extra hard. Because I’m a rather difficult woman who’s not looking for a hero to save me I’ve paid little attention to such men, but they keep finding me. I can no longer ignore them so I am creating a special area just for men who have willingly placed themselves in harms way over and over again. They are a special breed and we owe them our gratitude. The bills come due – time to pay up.

All material contained on this site is the property of Deborah Sherman de Santos. It is available to you for non-commercial use only as specified above. Any other use is prohibited without the expressed written consent of Deborah de Santos.

I’d love to hear from you. If you have something you feel I should know about,
or if you’d just like to touch bases do it!